Monday, April 11, 2011

April 11th has a lot of meaning

Back in 2000, April 11th was the most painful, terrifying, and life-changing day of my life. Now, eleven years later, I can look back on that normal Tuesday and think about how much of a dramatic change in who I am started that day. A personal revolution per se. Eleven years ago today, I was diagnosed with cancer. Lymphoma Hodgkin's disease was what I was told, and at the age of 13, those words mean different things than they do now.
My immediate reaction was "death." I believed I was going to die. But now looking back on this day, I learned of the "life" that has come from that day. The person I am and the person I strive to be has 100 percent been because of this day. For practically eight years I treated this day with agony, sorrow, and as if someone had die. And in some sense, a person did die that day; my naive and still immature self at 13 years old. I look back and realize that at 13, it's ok to be a little immature still, but I had characteristics of selfishness and arrogance. So in hindsight, that immature young boy that metaphorically died that day gave life to something more important.
Because of my illness and my fight to survive for nearly three years, I grew in ways unimaginable. Today, I can confidently look back and see facets of my character that grew from specific events.
I had scars all over my body, radiation marks across my face, and no hair on me head. All of these things have shown me to not care what anyone thinks about me or what I look like. To feel comfortable in my own skin.
I fought, struggled, and beat cancer once... then it came back. I fought harder, struggled longer, and nearly lost the battle, but I didn't. My perseverance is something I pride myself on now.
I felt that I needed to find something more real, more spiritual to help me through my fight. I looked in many different directions and found help in many different forms. Today, I consider my spirituality a very key part of my life.
I learned what family meant and the feeling of support and love from them non-stop. In terms of immediate family, there was nothing greater, but also my friends and community came together to help me overcome my battle. I felt the importance of putting someone else first before yourself. Now I hope to be able to give back to them as much as they gave to me and my level of appreciation for that is beyond words.
Lastly, I learned a great deal about life. I learned to not disrespect or underestimate it, as it has the ability to be taken away instantaneously. I found that living life one day at a time can be the most fulfilling thing a person can do. To truly take advantage of all of the things life can give you. The beauty it possesses and the lessons it teaches you along the way.

Although subconsciously doing so, eleven years later I realize why THIS day is the one that I remember for motivation and not any other. It took me a long time to realize the goodness that today can bring me and not the negative. Most cancer survivors mark their "special" date as their last chemotherapy or radiation treatment. Or the day they got out of remission. Or the day they were officially pronounced "cured." But for me, I look at the day that changed my life as the one that's most special; the day that I was diagnosed. Maybe it was because I was so young and it was so terrifying. Or maybe it was just that I had never thought something like this could happen to me.  But whatever the reason I choose to mark this date, I finally can look at April 11th for the rest of my life as the day I was reborn.

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